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Fetid Putrescent Whiffs [Demo] (2001)

Lyrics:

Long before I’ve examined the body or entered the tile-lined morgue
While I’m reviewing the official homicide files and removing my tools from their drawers
The decedent and the morgue is expertly prepared by underlings-faithful dieners and resident nurses
The procedure undertaken is always the same, from our tables to the backs of hearses
My interns were taught the fine art of cadaveric interviews, an ME’s sine qua non tradition
To arrange the body into what’s known in medical circles as
The Standard Anatomical Position.

They remove the corpse from the body bag
And hoist its heft onto the cold, steel slab
They prepare my tools for the surgery
And disrobe the cadaver for its necropsy.

Vitreous fluid reeks
Tissue samples stink
Excised organs leak
They stain my lab coat pink
Gurneys groan and squeal
Charred skin sloughs and peels
Bloody human veal
The odor makes me reel.

Standard-the procedure for hospitals and morgues
Anatomical-it enables complete dissection to inspect the gore
Position-its what pathologists and coroners are for.

Immortalizing decay with our Nikon camera before we ravage the body with our Stryker saw
Nimble fingers search for micro fibers as the skin is vacuumed for forensic evidence as required by law
Fingernails are scraped for blood and tissue, dermis debris lodged beneath the nail bed
Clothes are cut gingerly from the body with fabric cutting scissors, revealing a body stained red
Our forensic procedures are not taught in medical school, and are lost upon the average physician
The corpse, now nude, can be placed on its back and situated into.
The Standard Anatomical Position.

My assistants scrub and wash the corpse
With mild soaps and water, postmortem bath in the morgue
My tools are laid out, gleaming on the tray
The scene is set…I’m paged and on my way.

Bile, hot and thick
Post-mortem facial tics
Rotten skin so slick
My Stryker saw revs and kicks
Exsanguinated pale
Gas diseased and stale
The fumes I inhale
Dissected organs on the scale.

Standard-the procedure for hospitals and morgues
Anatomical-it enables complete dissection to inspect the gore
Position-its what pathologists and coroners are for.

The metal table gleams-scrubbed by my faithful team.
My talented medical assistants.
They’ve emptied the body bag-and checked its two toe tags.
And readied zip lock bags for evidence.

The cadaver spatter is impeccably cleaned; tools are washed, tiles are scrubbed and hosed down
The bedraggled floor is swabbed of its puddles and emptied into a bucket filled a foul ruddy-brown
Our plastic scrubs, now a red liquescent mess, are disposed of in the proper biohazard bin
My industrial-strength gilded rubber gloves are stripped and tossed as I lather my hands in the sink and rinse. . .

My dieners take out the biohazardous trash
And line the waste bins with fresh orange bags
They shave the cadaver’s hair for cranial dissection
And ensure that the autopsy is assisted to completion…
Faithfully arranging the corpse into the Standard Anatomical Position.

Standard-the procedure for hospitals and morgues
Anatomical-it enables complete dissection to inspect the gore
Position-its what pathologists and coroners are for
The carcass lies belching, eructing methane gas
Its thorax slightly heaving until the hot wind can finally pass
The offalent stench leaves everyone in the room repulsed and aghast.

This is a demo of my technique for hand developing black and white photographic film at home – its not too complex a process but does require some care and good timing!

This is the way I was taught to do it – I daresay there are many people out there with different methods, and those are equally as valid if they produce the results – but this is how I’ve always done it and it works very well for me.

If you want to develop your own film at home, heres the run down of everything you’ll need:

- A DEVELOPING TANK (I’m using an older style screw lid Paterson tank, which I would personally warn against as they tend to leak – go for the newer style tank with the clip on lid)

- FILM REELS (I’m using 2 here for 2 rolls of film, but you can just use 1, or more if you have a larger tank, you just need to adjust the amount of chemicals you use)

- A CHANGING BAG OR DARKROOM (Its important you load the film in complete darkness – a changing bag is the easiest option)

- CHEMICALS (You’ll Need a black and white film fixer and a black and white film developer – you’ll also need measuring cylinders to accurately measure them, as this is important). Please remember that each film and chemical is different, so remember to read the labels to mix the chemicals to the correct dilutions for the film you are using and to develop for the correct time.

- WATER (Fairly important this one – if you have the option to do your developing next to a sink thats perfect, if not you’ll need a large jug to hold clean water and a bucket to pour waste chemicals and water into. DO NOT develop film in the kitchen sink or anywhere you prepare or store food)

- A THERMOMETER (very important, as you need to mix the chemicals to certain temperatures for the process to work properly)

- A STOPWATCH (This process is time critical, so a clock or stopwatch is vital – I’m using my phone, which is fine til someone calls you halfway through…)

And of course you’ll need some film One point of note here is that I’m using bulk loaded film, which makes it much easier to take the cartridges apart to get the film out inside the changing bag. If you’re using pre-loaded film cartridges, try not to wind the film leader back inside the cartridge when you rewind it as this will make life much easier. If you do, getting the cartridge open is very tricky so I’d recommend using a film leader retriever to pull the leader back out again – unfortunately I don’t have any pre-loaded cartridges to show you this.

You’ll also need somewhere to hang your film to dry – I tie a length of string up near the ceiling and peg the film to it with a wooden clothes peg, hanging straight down with another clothes peg on the bottom to act as a weight.

Before we start to develop the film, lets take a moment to don a beard and a plaid shirt and talk about shop safety – the chemicals we’re using here are not especially hazardous, but there are a few things to watch out for:

- DO NOT eat or drink anywhere near the chemicals (goes without saying really)
- DO NOT use or store the chemicals near food or the kitchen
- Wash your hands well each time you handle the chemicals, processed film or tanks
- Wear gloves when using the chemicals (yes, I know I don’t, but I wouldn’t recommend it!)
- Keep pets and small children away from the developing area
- If you’re letting older children help you, make sure they are supervised at all times

The chemicals are generally safe to dispose of down normal household drains, but please check the labels on your chemicals prior to disposing of them in this way.

I hope you enjoy the video, and try your hand at film developing yourself

And there are bonus points on offer for anyone who gets the beard and plaid shirt reference!

Please note – this information and video is provided for reference only – I take no responsibility for any problems, injuries or losses encountered by anyone following it. Always read the labels on chemical bottles prior to use.