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Read by Mark Nelson
A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs

John Carter, an American Civil War veteran, goes prospecting in Arizona and, when set upon by Indians, is mysteriously transported to Mars, called “Barsoom” by its inhabitants. Carter finds that he has great strength on this planet, due to its lesser gravity. Carter soon falls in among the Tharks, a nomadic tribe of the planet’s warlike, four-armed, green inhabitants. Thanks to his strength and combat abilities he rises in position in the tribe and earns the respect eventually the friendship of Tars Tarkas one of the Thark chiefs.

The Tharks subsequently capture Dejah Thoris, Princess of Helium, a member of the humanoid red Martian race. The red Martians inhabit a loose network of city states and control the desert planet’s canals, along which its agriculture is concentrated. Carter rescues her from the green men to return her to her people. (Summary from Wikipedia)

Total running time: 7:18:51

Chapters 00 to 02 — 00:36:01
Chapters 03 to 04 — 00:31:25
Chapters 05 to 06 — 00:20:19
Chapters 07 to 08 — 00:26:35
Chapters 09 to 10 — 00:33:27
ChapterS 11 to 12 — 00:28:59
Chapters 13 to 14 — 02:56:50
Chapters 15 to 16 — 00:44:24
Chapters 17 to 18 — 00:29:23
Chapters 19 to 20 — 00:32:56
Chapters 21 to 22 — 00:45:50
Chapters 23 to 24 — 00:31:09
Chapters 25 to 26 — 00:26:33
Chapters 27 to 28 — 00:16:27

This audio recording courtesy of Librivox.
Audio and video edited by PublicAudioLibrary.
Copyright 2013. PublicAudioLibrary. All Rights Reserved.

The copyright for this story has expired in the United States and, thus, now resides in the public domain there. The text is available via Project Gutenberg. In anticipation of the 2012 Disney film John Carter, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Inc. has trademarked the phrases “John Carter of Mars,” “Princess of Mars,” and “Barsoom,” among others, despite the Dastar decision of the United States Supreme Court, which invalidates trademark on public domain works.

Hardshell gourds have been used as food and beverage containers, and art pieces for centuries. They are often referred to as “nature’s pottery” due to their beautiful variety of shapes and hardy uses. The creative crafting possibilities of hardshell gourds are endless; from bowls and cups (mate gourds, used for drinking yerba mate), to purses, jewelry, Christmas ornaments, lampshades, jewelry boxes, bird houses, tribal penis shields, and even a wide variety of musical instruments. The list goes on forever, only limited by your imagination.

But I’m not here right now to tell you what to do with them (maybe later); I’m here to tell you how to clean them inside and out, using safety precautions.

The need to clean depends largely on what you plan to do with the gourd. You may decide to only work on the outside without a need to open the gourd, in which case you get to avoid the extra work involved. If you plan to make a bowl, for example, then clearly you’ll be working on both inside and outside, as well as cutting and/or carving.

The outsides of dried gourds are fairly simple to clean, if sometimes labor intensive. The extent to which you clean them depends upon how you want to use them, and what you might want to add to the surface (paints, dyes, etc.). If you want a naturey-looking gourd with its natural waxy coating you don’t have to do much beyond washing off dirt and dark mold with a hot water and bleach solution (maybe 10 parts water to 1 part bleach), which retards future mold growth. However, if you want to dye a gourd, leaving the waxy coating on it might prevent dye from soaking into the surface the way you want it to, which means you’ll have to scrub harder to remove nature’s irritating addition to your innocent craft project.

The insides of gourds are a different story, and a potentially dangerous one. You need to be careful not to inhale the contents. Not all hardshell gourds are terrible inside, but they are all dusty, and you can’t guess which ones will merely make you sneeze and which ones might contain mold/fungus, bacteria, and other pathogens that could cause serious allergic reactions, including anaphylactic shock. I’ve personally been flattened with a gourd dust-related illness that gourd crafters refer to as “gourd flu”, which was basically illness that mimicked semi-severe flu symptoms (fever, aching joints, muscle soreness, mucus, fatigue) for about two to three days. If there’s a medical term for this, I don’t know what it is, but in hindsight… I probably should have seen a doctor. And you should, too, if it ever happens to you.

So… to prepare, make sure you use a dust mask. They’re easily found at hardware stores all over. Choose a good one designed for working with wood/sawdust; if possible, look into one that also protects against molds/fungus. Second, use protective goggles. Remember, these precautions aren’t just for gourds; any time you do craftwork involving dust, solvents, tools and so on.

What can you expect to find when you open a gourd (via Xacto knives/saws, mini electric jigsaws, or Dremels… be careful not to cut yourself)? Dust, seeds, a styrofoam-like substance, and hardened pulp, maybe even a few tiny beetles. You probably don’t want to keep that junk in there, right? So you have to clean it out, and often this is easy, but occasionally this can get ugly.

You should prepare yourself for cleaning the outside with:
~ A sink or tub, the size depending on the size(s) of gourds you’re cleaning.
~ Rags
~ Copper scrubbing pads. 100% copper means they won’t rust should you want to use them again later.
~ Bleach
~ Old towel(s)
~ Something to scrape with, perhaps a knife edge
~ Rubber dish gloves

You should prepare yourself for cleaning the inside with:
~ Gardening gloves, or thicker gloves
~ A melon baller
~ A taxidermy scraper
~ A sanding sponge
~ A shop vac
~ Dust masks, the best ones being for the finest particulate matter
~ Eye protection, especially if you plan on using power tools
~ Electric drill with wire brush bit for spots that are hard to reach

Please don’t ignore the safety precautions, especially regarding sawdust. If you use a high-powered cutting tool (Dremel, etc), you’ll be generating a lot… a LOT… of sawdust from the gourd, and it is very, very fine. The faster the tool, the more dust you’ll create. Many gourd artists opt for mini-jigsaws with variable speeds, to control the cutting and minimize dust. In addition to dust masks and goggles, you should work in a well-ventilated area.